Wednesday Joke Day

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The Ten If’s You Need to Know to Get Along at Work

  1. If it rings, put it on hold.
  2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
  3. If it whistles, ignore it.
  4. If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.
  5. If it’s the Boss, look busy.
  6. If it talks, take notes.
  7. If it’s handwritten, type it.
  8. if it’s typed, copy it.
  9. If it’s copied, file it.
  10. If it’s Friday, FORGET IT!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m never going to work for that man again”
“Why, what did he say?”
“You’re fired”

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own.

 

 

Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

“I started a new practice last year,” the first one said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”

“Why in the world would you do that?” the other asked.

She responded, “It’s the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without.”

 

The Pope has the best job in the world: he has one boss only, and even him he meets after his death.

 

Employee’s Ten Comandments

  • If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.
  • Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
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