The Ten If’s You Need to Know to Get Along at Work
- If it rings, put it on hold.
- If it clunks, call the repairman.
- If it whistles, ignore it.
- If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.
- If it’s the Boss, look busy.
- If it talks, take notes.
- If it’s handwritten, type it.
- if it’s typed, copy it.
- If it’s copied, file it.
- If it’s Friday, FORGET IT!!!
“I’m never going to work for that man again”
“Why, what did he say?”
It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own.
Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
“I started a new practice last year,” the first one said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”
“Why in the world would you do that?” the other asked.
She responded, “It’s the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without.”
The Pope has the best job in the world: he has one boss only, and even him he meets after his death.
Employee’s Ten Comandments
- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
- Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.