Thursday Jokes

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Enjoy your Thursday afternoon!!

 

Employer: “We need someone responsible for the job.”
“Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible.”

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: ‘To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million.’ The lawyer continued, ‘To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million.’ The lawyer concluded, ‘And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!’

 

Boss Wants Too Much: For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”

 

Things to say if asleep on the job:

  • “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
  •  “I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.”
  • “Amen”
  • “Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
  • “Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.”
  •  “Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
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